Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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