just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
