i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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