yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
