sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
