covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
