we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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