I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
