My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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