Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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