Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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