You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
