she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
