hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
