I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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