I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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