i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
