Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
