the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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