captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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