Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
