man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
