No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
