Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
