We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
