i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
