I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
