I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
