he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
