Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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