he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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