dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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