I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
