do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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