Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
