Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
