Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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