So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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