My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
