is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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