we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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