My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dick very happy bro
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
