I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
