and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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