Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
