dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As shirtless as possible
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
