Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
