You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
