Quick, to the slutcave!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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