but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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