Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
