i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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