Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
