Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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