Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
false alarm, still single
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